:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
