I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
