so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
