Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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