Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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