Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize