Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
