You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
