I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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