census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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