I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
