Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
