My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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