Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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