i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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