Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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