I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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