Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
