he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you mean i was at the winter classic?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
