Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
