We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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