dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
