It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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