Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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