I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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