a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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