I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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