And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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