Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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