just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
