What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think your dad took our porno
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
