You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
