She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
