Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
