A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
