Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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