my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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