oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
