it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
