So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
