IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
