Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
