just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
