Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
