oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
