he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
