She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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