I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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