the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Randomize
