I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
