then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he fucked my hip out of place.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else