Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??

(630): View more from Illinois

savin' lives aint cheap

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(973): haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance?? (630): savin' lives aint cheap http://tfl.nu/eb5j

Replies (23) Good night (1867) Bad night (707)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?

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(612): So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it? http://tfl.nu/t4hw

Replies (5) Good night (765) Bad night (1257)
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(301): View more from Maryland

Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?

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(301): Is it necrophilia if we're both dead? http://tfl.nu/6pje

Replies (6) Good night (844) Bad night (1155)
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(440): View more from Ohio

Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?

(1-440): View more from Ohio

because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?

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(440): Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it? (1-440): because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even? http://tfl.nu/6ni1

Replies (20) Good night (5476) Bad night (658)
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(281): View more from Texas

i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy

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(281): i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy http://tfl.nu/yz4e

Replies (4) Good night (2803) Bad night (786)
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(989): View more from Michigan

I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.

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(989): I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses. http://tfl.nu/7uea

Replies (60) Good night (749) Bad night (4060)
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(303): View more from Colorado

you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.

(303): View more from Colorado

and I must say, you were very persuasive

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(303): you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight. (303): and I must say, you were very persuasive http://tfl.nu/e18p

Replies (74) Good night (18644) Bad night (1168)
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(914): View more from New York

Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class

(1-914): View more from New York

that is WHY your in summer classes

(914): View more from New York

worth it

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(914): Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class (1-914): that is WHY your in summer classes (914): worth it http://tfl.nu/1hzd

Replies (10) Good night (4030) Bad night (998)
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(530): View more from California

I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"

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(530): I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting" http://tfl.nu/k1xw

Replies (7) Good night (2143) Bad night (1027)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite

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(484): you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite http://tfl.nu/cjvu

Replies (2) Good night (1860) Bad night (1046)
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(614): View more from Ohio

We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid

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(614): We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid http://tfl.nu/h9fh

Replies (12) Good night (1815) Bad night (806)
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(760): View more from California

She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder

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(760): She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder http://tfl.nu/mb3b

Replies (3) Good night (1155) Bad night (552)
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(719): View more from Colorado

I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear

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(719): I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear http://tfl.nu/cplq

Replies (1) Good night (1131) Bad night (591)
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(716): View more from New York

I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.

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(716): I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely. http://tfl.nu/lpl1

Replies (1) Good night (682) Bad night (333)
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(443): View more from Maryland

You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"

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(443): You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty" http://tfl.nu/zep8

Replies (1) Good night (598) Bad night (261)

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