anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!