look no pants
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
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This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.