i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
