Texts From Last Night

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  (561): View more from Florida

  I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.

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  (561): I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone. http://tfl.nu/li7n
  Replies (10) Good night (2374) Bad night (580)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.

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  (248): Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God. http://tfl.nu/n9ll
  Replies (43) Good night (1387) Bad night (7065)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens

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  (727): im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens http://tfl.nu/tbzs
  Replies (36) Good night (5646) Bad night (1173)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?

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  (252): Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome? http://tfl.nu/vqed
  Replies (56) Good night (2113) Bad night (9739)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.

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  (586): apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that. http://tfl.nu/dpbh
  Replies (13) Good night (7760) Bad night (1107)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.

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  (703): Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys. http://tfl.nu/ay7v
  Replies (7) Good night (2430) Bad night (934)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality

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  (708): I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality http://tfl.nu/1jam
  Replies (6) Good night (1439) Bad night (836)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..

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  (978): I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital.. http://tfl.nu/5pzt
  Replies (5) Good night (2278) Bad night (630)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog

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  (907): You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog http://tfl.nu/ud9g
  Replies (6) Good night (1098) Bad night (570)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?

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  (414): Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it? http://tfl.nu/mo75
  Replies (4) Good night (739) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.

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  (319): I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party. http://tfl.nu/7y6s
  Replies (3) Good night (372) Bad night (836)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.

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  (218): She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever. http://tfl.nu/8rzl
  Replies (1) Good night (618) Bad night (461)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.

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  (614): Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex. http://tfl.nu/9dkb
  Replies (0) Good night (493) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.

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  (469): I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real. http://tfl.nu/da4u
  Replies (1) Good night (552) Bad night (255)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.

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  (214): You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much. http://tfl.nu/2bui
  Replies (1) Good night (415) Bad night (195)

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