She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
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the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
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My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations