Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
