Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
