Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
