sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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