She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
