textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
