I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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