I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
