Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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