id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
