Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Boobs speak an international language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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