i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Dear god my vagina.
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