and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
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You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
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I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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