Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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