ugly people sure do ruin things
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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