I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
