don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize