i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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