Sry I called you an 8
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
