I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Houston, we have a squirter
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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