yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
