I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
