Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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