You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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