went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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