just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We have started to decorate penises.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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